Motivation and Desire

Help me, Help me.   I am so struggling right now.  Once again I have pulled out my Weight Watchers three month tracker - once again I have looked at all the pages of each week I have not tracked and started a new week with today .  A Tuesday no less.  Since I am a Lifetime Member, I have not weighed yet in Februray and I don't want to - because HOW COULD I DO THIS AGAIN.  How could I get at least 5 pounds over my healthy weight.  How could I be going back to all these old freaking habits.  Can you year what I am saying here.  Can you see my level of frustration, but even more my extreme disappointment in myself. 

WHY WHY WHY could I so easily lose my 50 pounds by tracking and moving more.  Why am I having such a hard time staying on track.  I have all the cookbooks, I have all the tools, I know this program.  My goodness until last November I was a leader - a motivator - and now I am drowning. 

What is with this behavior?  Why am I sabotaging myself.  Why are my pants tight around the middle again and my favorite pair of jeans a struggle to zip.

Do you know the answers, I have to find them somewhere. 

So today I am tracking all my feelings again - every fight I have with food, every time I eat something I really don't want to.  Which means to you all - there just may be a lot of posts to this blog every day, which means I am writing in a smaller font.

Feel free to comment with any suggestions or struggles.  Thanks so much.

And so I am quoting out of the page in my 3 month Weight Watchers trackr - Did you know?  Those who achieve their goals simply refuse to quit. 

Why don't I want to achieve my goal of MAINTAINING my healthy weight?  Why do I constantly be in this roller coaster state, up and down - what am I thinking